Two years ago, I flew to Atlanta from Los Angeles to “try again” for the millionth time with my most disturbed ex. He had come back into my life with promises of changed behavior and a new sob story to pull at my heartstrings. I too, had some promises of patience and a little something new to bring to the table as well: A good wig.

I had started to wear wigs as a protected style and I purchased one that made me feel like Olivia Pope in season 1 of Scandal. The only problem was, I knew I would be spending the entire weekend with my ex and I had no idea what to do with this fabulous wig when it was time for us to go to bed.

The mere thought of removing my hair hat and exposing some prison braids made me cringe so I went into survival mode. I remembered that YouTube had more answers than LA has traffic, so I began a frantic search about how to secure my wig throughout the night. I ended up landing on a video where a lady suggested that I launch 20 Bobbie pins into my brain to ensure that the wig survived an eight-hour sleep shift. At the time, it sounded like a great idea but when the time came to execute the plan, it felt like a lobotomy with no anesthesia. I spent the whole first night half-awake with a migraine simply because I feared that he would get a glimpse at the real me. I spent the entire weekend wearing a hat because as it turns out, it is not a good idea to sleep in a wig!

Beyond the fact that I was ruining my fancy unit, I was also trying my best to pretend that he and I had commonalities when the truth of the matter was, we had nothing in common besides the fact that we enjoyed each other’s anatomy. I, like many women I know, was attempting to make a relationship happen that had no chance of being anything other than an extended one night stand. We were not compatible and throughout the course of our three year situationship, he made me feel wildly insecure.

So, I’m assuming many of you are wondering what this has to do with my wig, right? Well, It has EVERYTHING to do with my wig. There is no way you can be in a relationship with a man that makes you feel less than who you are underneath your lashes, wig and acrylic nails. Love is kind in sickness and in health. Love thinks you’re beautiful without your Snapchat filter. Love doesn’t slide into your Dm’s with an eggplant emoji. I think it’s vital that women adhere to their intuition. It’s time for us to stop trying so hard and allow organic relationships to bloom. It’s time for us to receive real love so that we can leave our wigs on the nightstand and show him that underneath it all is a real girl with real love to give in return.